DSST: Darth Vader Made Me Do It

Labor Day, September 3, 2012

Dave and Leucretia invited us over for a Labor Day BBQ pool party, but that means being surrounded by alcohol, burgers and chips, and that’s just too much for me to be around right now.  Plus, I already got called out for cheating on my diet at the Ice Ball the other week so I don’t want a repeat of that.

The kids are bouncing off the walls being home from school and in my attempt to start sorting through the closets I’ve stumbled upon an old VHS tape of Star Wars.

I haven’t seen that movie in years.  Henri and I aren’t sure if the kids will be scared by it, but I recall seeing it in the movie theater when I was five and was relatively unharmed by the experience (relatively…) so we decide to put the tape in and get the kids sprawled out in the Man Cave (that’s fancy for Henri’s TV room.)

Henri starts making the popcorn (not on my diet) using the Old Fashioned Popcorn Maker I got him for Christmas two years ago.  But am I eating it?  No.  See?  I’m being a good girl and drinking my protein shake.

Hot, salty, buttery popcorn aroma fills the air.  I watch it go past me in those cute popcorn buckets to my children and husband.  Protein is good for me.  Salty, buttery popcorn is not, especially when I’m going to stand on stage in a bikini in 60 days.  But I feel the lure of the dark side.   YOU JUST CAN’T WATCH STAR WARS WITHOUT POPCORN, RIGHT???  It’s STAR WARS for Pete’s sake!  And you can’t have popcorn without Diet Pepsi, right?

I start munching and Henri starts singing, “Ooooh, I’m going to text your trainer…”

My cell phone goes off.  Oh shit!  It’s Daniel!  Damned Jedi Knight; he knows!  How does he do that?

9/3/12 Daniel:  Can you do 8-9?

Lisa: 8 works

Daniel:  Did u lift today?

Lisa: Yes.  Chest/tri

Daniel:  Perfect.  So legs tomorrow and then back weds

Lisa:  K.  C u then.  ttyl

Daniel:  U stay away from BBQ?

La, la, la, la, la.  It’s impolite to text with your mouth full of popcorn and soda, so I watched the movie pretending to not see the message.  But after the movie I felt kinda guilty.  Kinda bloated from popcorn and soda too.  I look at my phone.  I should probably text back…But it’s really late and the dark side of the force is telling me to just keep it secret.

The next day I look at the phone.  I consider saying nothing, ever, but he’s going to call me out because he knows when I cheat and I’m a really terrible liar.  (I need to work on that.)  Deciding it’s better to get in trouble over the phone than in person, I text him back.

9/4/12  Lisa:  Avoid BBQ?  Yes.  Popcorn and Diet Pepsi, not so much.  Don’t worry I will do cardio penance today.

Daniel:  Lisa…I’m not a miracle worker.  Ur diet is going to get cut drastically.  Cardio will not cure things; trust me I screwed myself thinking it would.

Lisa:  It’s just a one-time thing.  See, we showed the kids Star Wars for the first time last night.  (That was a totally valid excuse.  Darth Vader made me do it.)

Daniel:  So showing them Star Wars is going to make it right? (Uh oh, here it comes.)

Lisa:  No, of course not.

Daniel:  Do u not remember how hard it was the first time?  I’ll check your diet and see but I think I have u on a good amount of food.  It’s a mind game.  If u keep slipping up you are going to have to eat a lot less.

(Maybe I was wrong about it being easier getting in trouble over the phone.  This sucks too.)

Lisa:  I know.

Daniel:  I’m sorry Lisa but u have to shape up…I’m not a miracle worker.

(Ouch!  BUT DARTH VADER MADE ME DO IT!!!)

Lisa:  I know.  I’ll eat clean from now on.

Daniel:  OK…C u tomorrow

Lisa:  K…sorry

Daniel: You’re stepping on stage not me.  I can only give u the information

Damn, I’ve been served.  Again.  Stupid Star Wars.  I hate that movie!

Lisa

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