My Body is a Science Project: Climate Change

  April 2012

“Do you have an addictive personality?”

“No, not really.  Why?”

“Because it’s time for you to take fat burners.  You don’t have to take them.  If you have an addictive personality you shouldn’t take them.”

“What are they?  Like Xanadrin EFX?”  I took that one before.

“One type is like that the other is a thermo enhancer.  The directions say you can take two pills twice a day, but that’s not what I want you to do.  I want you to take one pill from the thermo on the first day and then take one pill from the EFX on the next day.  At the end of the month take a week off from both.  Take them only in the morning, after your work out, with food.  Don’t take them after two o’ clock or you’ll be up all night.  Also, they will probably make your body temperature rise.  Lifting weights in general will raise your body temp, so don’t be surprised if you get night sweats.  Any questions?”

“Nope.”

Fat burners!  I get to take fat burners!  This will eliminate my pot belly once and for all.  Yahoo!

Fast forward three weeks… May 2012

I’ve asked my other friends at the gym and checked some websites and apparently fat burners are the norm in the bodybuilding world for both men and women during the final 12 weeks before competition.   Today is thermo fat burner day.  Daniel wasn’t kidding about the temperature rise.  It reminds me of what I felt after I gave birth and my hormones were leveling out.  I’ve come back from working out at the gym.  Rylee is at school and it’s just me and little Henry.

The wind is blowing outside and I’m exhausted from doing my cardio in a sweatshirt, which is another story entirely.  Fortunately for me little man is tired because he’s been up since just after I left at 4:30 a.m., something his father enjoyed immensely, I’m sure.  I turn on the AC because it’s so hot and we both lie on my bed to take a nap.

The wind is blowing a lonely sound, like a mourning woman, and I think of the Adele 21 CD as I begin to doze.  Thirty minutes later I wake up shivering.  I’m freezing now and turn off the AC.  Henry is still asleep and I quietly wrap myself in my favorite gray Abercrombie & Fitch sweatshirt.  (OK- it’s my husband’s sweatshirt; I’ve just commandeered it.)

I’m still tired and take advantage of Henry’s slumber.  My teeth are chattering; the wind is knocking against my bedroom windows.  It sounds angry, like the big bad wolf about to blow the house in.  I feel like I’m in that scene in Star Trek where the bad guy keeps changing the temperature, first freezing the crew and then making them swelter.

The fat burners did not make my stomach flat, but they do make me appreciate central air control.

Fast forward to today… October 2012

Just started the fat burners this week (my show is 11 days out.)  Daniel wanted me to keep my weight on until the very last minute, which is why he held me off them.  It also coincides with my carbs getting cut, which makes a person sleepy, so it’s kind of working out for me.  The pills have caffeine in them, so in a nutshell:  HI!  I’M AWAKE NOW!

 

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