No More BS

April 2012

I drive home and Daniel’s words roll through my brain like a freight train.  With each passing moment the anger rises inside me.  Mental strength…I don’t have the mental strength?!  I ran four marathons.  This is not something a weak-willed person can do.

My hands grip tighter on the steering wheel, almost turning white with frustration.  I climbed the corporate ladder until I made six figures; started my own business; self-published a book that won a Mon’s Choice Award.  Do you have any idea how much courage it takes to gamble on yourself like that?

I drive past the empty field with the fence twisted from storms past, the road narrowing over the bridge, my breath getting ragged with rage.  I raised $100,000 for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society; took care of my  father as he died from cancer; refused to cry as they filled my daughter with radiation for testing – not because I didn’t want to but because I knew she needed me to be strong for her..  And you think I don’t have the mental strength to compete in a bikini contest?

Kid, you don’t know a damn thing about me and my mental strength.

The next morning I am up at 4 a.m.  I’m on the treadmill with my sweatshirt on.  I did it on an empty stomach like he said to do.  Before he even shows up I did the full 50 minute cardio workout on my exercise calendar plus the 10 minutes of stretching in the sauna he added on this week.  I drank the protein powder from the diet.

He enters the check in area.  I hand him a small silver gift bag with stars on it.

“What’s this?” he asks surprised.  He is smiling, confused.

“Good luck at your competition.  Read the card first.”  It says to use the gift with annoying clients full of excuses.  He opens the bag and pulls out a red button with the word BULLSHIT on it that flashes red and says, “Warning!
This is complete bullshit!”  He laughs.

“Guess the pep talk worked?”

Pep talk.  Oh, that’s what he calls it.

After eight weeks of telling him nothing but half-truths, excuses, rationalizations and outright lies (every single one of them which he promptly exposed and called me out on) I was tired of listening to my own bullshit.  I decided it was time to just be honest with him and, more importantly, myself, and train to win.

Because, of course, I have the mental strength to do this.

“Lisa, you just made my day.”

 

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