Cheaters Weekend – Saturday

Waking the next morning I feel dreadful.  I haven’t exercised for two days now and my stomach is bloated and uncomfortable from last night.  I step on the scale.  Yesterday morning I was 127 lbs.  Today I am 132 lbs.  The world is a cruel dark place.

Even though yesterday was 63 degrees today it’s 87 degrees because Austin weather makes no sense, and I dress in my ratty old construction T-shirt and shorts.  Since I feel gross I eat Kashi Go Lean

for breakfast, which is actually pretty healthy.  I feel bummed I’m wasting Cheater’s Weekend on healthy food but the thought of pancakes and bacon, which is what I planned on, nauseates me.

Brian, our Property Manager, meets me at the building.  “Wow!  You lost a lot of weight!  You look great!”

“Thanks,” I say smiling, feeling the tightness of my waist pressing against my jean shorts.

We go to unit 105 and start to work.  Officially I am the boss but Brian has way more skills than me so I am the “gofer” as in, “go fer this hammer, go fer that bucket.”  I demo the shower tile, which is normally pretty fun – I enjoy being destructive – but today I just feel sluggish.  I’m carrying boxes of tile and dragging hacksaws back and forth.  I’m on my hands and knees grouting in the kitchen and coughing up a lung.  Even though I’m on antibiotics and not contagious my chest feels weighted and I have no energy.  We stop for lunch.

In honor of Cheater’s Weekend my husband made me his famous macaroni and cheese which I automatically added salt to without even tasting.  I open another Diet Coke.  Maybe last night’s can was a fluke?  It wasn’t.  The soda sucked.  The macaroni felt like it expanded down my throat to where I was almost choking.  I ate about a third of it.  I didn’t even want to look at it.

WHAT THE HELL?!?  What’s the point of having a Cheater’s Weekend if everything tastes bad and I feel disgusting?!?

Ohhhhhhh…

DAMN YOU, DANIEL AND YOUR STUPID JEDI KNIGHT TRICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I’m sitting in my husband’s truck, ready to go home for the day.  I pull Peter Rabbit out of the box, the treat I’ve been lusting over for a week now.  I eat the ears first, then the tail, ‘cause that’s how I roll.  And then I do something I’ve never done in 38 years.  I throw the rest away.

I text Daniel.  “I’m ending Cheater’s Weekend a day early…Can you please send me my new diet?”

“LOL.”  So nice he thinks this is funny.  “Do you feel like crap?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“Good!  See you on Monday with your new diet.”

Sometimes I hate Daniel.

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