“Sprints” and a Very Bad Cheat Meal

If you are training for a bodybuilding competition (or trying to eat clean as part of your lifestyle, for that matter) then you know the magnitude and power of the cheat meal.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, allow me to explain.  Pretend that you eat nothing but fish, chicken, turkey, green beans, asparagus, spinach and a little brown rice five to six times per day, every day.  For months.  There is no movie popcorn, no BBQ ribs at the neighbor’s house, no cocktail party fruity beverages with umbrellas on the top.  Just fish, chicken, turkey and green vegetables.  Every day.  For months.

And then, like an unexpected snow day from school, your trainer says randomly, “You get a cheat meal today.”

Whaaaa?  A CHEAT MEAL!!?!!

Cheat Meal

CHēt/mēl/  noun – When following a strict diet one’s trainer will occasionally allow you one (1) meal where you can eat whatever you want (i.e. – dessert, alcohol, pizza, etc.) so you (a) don’t go crazy and (b) find it easier to stick to your meal plan the rest of the time.

So I was understandably happy coming home from my training session on Friday and told my mom, “I get a cheat meal!  Do you want to go to Texas Land & Cattle or Red Lobster for lunch?”  The main thing for me was going to a restaurant that served some version of chocolate molten lava cake with vanilla bean ice cream and caramel.  (And you wonder why I was size 14?)

Anyway, Mom was tired and didn’t want to go out, so she went back to sleep and I ate ground turkey with green beans.  I picked up the kids from school (Spring Break had officially started) so I gave them a snack and I ate ground turkey with green beans.  (You can see why a cheat meal is appealing, right?)

I took the kids to get their haircut and by the time it was done it was 5 pm and I was starving, so I called my husband, “We have to go out.  I get a cheat meal today.”

He grunted because he doesn’t understand the effervescent power of cheat meals since he eats ice cream, chips and assorted fast food every day of his life without gaining weight, because life is unfair.

We round up the kids, my mom with her walker, plus Henri and finally made it to Chili’s by 6:30 pm.  I’m STARVING because my last turkey with green beans was four hours ago.

They’re mobbed, so we waited and when we finally got seated I ordered chips and guacamole.  My husband looked at the price and said, “I can make guacamole at home…”  “Traugott, I’m starving!  It’s $4.99.”

They finally served us burgers and fajitas at 8 pm, so in the mean time we’ve devoured two bowls of chips and dip (and me a margarita just ’cause,) and by this point we just want to go home.  So no dessert.

My mom didn’t like her burger, the kids said they wanted to go to McDonald’s instead, and Henri is arguing with the waitress over the bill.  This cheat meal sucked.  I got cheated out of a good cheat meal!

Thankfully, Henri took care of putting the kids to bed so I could meet my friend Obidia for our cardio session.  On the way I stopped at the McDonald’s drive through and got three chocolate chip cookies, which were cold, but I didn’t care because I was not going to be denied the opportunity to eat chocolate free and clear.  I also ordered Diet Coke because I like being ironic.

Robin (my trainer) said I could have the cheat meal, but he wanted me and Obidia to do 20 minutes of 30 second sprint intervals on one treadmill and then switch to 30 seconds of walking intervals on the second treadmill.

I sent Obidia a text from the McDonald’s parking lot.  “Sprints are so not happening tonight.  Don’t nark me out to Robin.”

She’s waiting for me on the treadmill and we walk (not sprint) and catch up, but by then my stomach looks like I’m five months pregnant with my carbohydrate baby, Chip.  So we move to the bikes.  I’m all for cardio that involves sitting.

But 15 minutes into it even that’s too hard for me, because it felt like an alien was inside my stomach punching its way out.  The downside to eating clean for months and then eating greasy chips and McDonald’s cookies is that your body is really pissed off.

“Let’s move to the sauna.”  “Ok!”  So we continued talking in the sauna, but like five minutes into it we were getting too sweaty and decided to move to the bench by the Jacuzzi.  “It smells like chlorine, want to move to the locker room?”  “Ok!”

So then we sat in the locker room and chatted for another solid 20 minutes and we laughed, “We should have just met up for drinks.”

“Oh, and I laughed at your, ‘don’t nark me out to Robin’ text,” she said.  “I don’t have to nark you out because you’ll confess yourself.  And even if you don’t, he’ll just look at you and know you didn’t run sprints, because he’ll read it on your face.”

She has a point.  I may look Swedish, but I’m Irish Catholic through and through and will confess my transgressions faster than Charlie Sheen says “winning” after doing a line of coke.

My next training is leg day, so I have to get in touch with my inner Protestant and not blog or confess about the sprints until AFTER the workout.  Wish me luck with that…

How about you?  Did you ever have a cheat meal go wrong?

Lisa

Lisa Traugott is a Mom’s Choice Award winning writer, fitness blogger, wife and mom of two.   If you’d like to know what it’s like to train for your first bodybuilding competition while also potty training a rambunctious toddler, check out her book, “She’s Losing It!” available at Amazon.com.

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