Hi! My name is Emotional Train Wreck
Hi! My name is: Emotional Train Wreck
Week 3 of show prep can be summed up in one word: Emotional. Each show I tell myself, “This will be the one where I am sane.” BAHAAAAAA! What a joke!
When your carbs are cut, your calories are cut, your workouts get harder, your business taxes are due, it’s Valentine’s Day (but you can’t have chocolate) and 50 Shades of Grey is not what you hoped (#NotMyChristian!), of course you’re going to go a little nutty. And did I mention that my husband left on a business trip for a week AND the kids had off from school yesterday?
It’s been a righteous flustercluck of events.
So my meltdown/panic attack started Friday morning when I stepped on the scale to discover that I had gained weight overnight for no reason. I had been following the diet, doing my cardio and workouts, yet a pound and a half had magically decided to glue itself to my ass and thighs. Yes, weight fluctuates and it doesn’t really matter what you weigh if your pants fit you right, but tell that to a carb-depleted women who has been denied chocolate and just see how well she handles it.
Badly.
My workout was terrible. My trainer, Robin, was trying to cheer me out of my slump and reminded me this 12 week show prep was completely different than the others: I started at 133 lbs instead of my typical 115 lbs and I was coming off a 3 month break from all exercise while my mom was going through chemo. I knew he was right, my head completely agreed with him, but it didn’t change the fact that I just felt so down on myself for being heavy*** (by bodybuilding standards only – normally I’d do doing cartwheels at this weight).
So I was mentally kicking myself for all the emotional eating that I had done, but not too hard because it wasn’t like I did it for shits and giggles – my mother was given 12 months to live and I didn’t handle it well. She goes in for her next CT scan on March 11 and we’re hoping for “no growth” but what if her cancer’s on the move again? Will she do chemo again? Will it even help?
And that’s when the box of bikinis arrived, because all women know that the very best time to try on a bikini is when you’re an emotional train wreck. Robin, God love him, earned a gold medal that day because he met me back at the gym 40 minutes later to sort through all the different styles and figure out which one looked best on my body. Did I mention that he too is competing in the Arnold and is also carb-depleted? (Gold medal, Robin!)
Fortunately, he cancelled our leg workout for the next day, and told me to take a break and not weigh myself until Tuesday. (I think it was as much for his sanity as my own.) Four days without weighing myself!?! It seems like an easy thing but by day 2 I was craving the scale the way I usually crave chocolate chip muffins.
And speaking of pastries, the next day was a birthday party because all children on God’s green earth only have birthdays during the last three weeks of show prep. There are no birthdays in the off season when I could sample pizza or cake.
I did manage to sneak in a pole dance class and posing practice at Bon Bon Barre before my husband caught his flight out. That was a lot of fun actually, thanks to the very talented Serena Hicks (owner and instructor). The first 30 minutes of the class was just stretching and it was great to release all that tension. I’m already thinking about my next dance routine I want to do. I’m not sure that I will do another competition; I have to see what’s going on with my mother’s health, but at minimum I want to dance in a low-key show case.
In other fabulous news, my first article was published by an online fitness magazine, SpotMeGirl! Here is the article if you’d like to check it out: Fit Moms & Plastic Surgery – What You Need To Know.
I’ve been thinking a lot about “what next?” but now it’s time to focus on the immediate future. The official list for the Arnold Amateur came out yesterday (I’m third from the bottom in Bikini B). In my division there are women from Brazil, Canada, Lebanon, Mexico, Italy and Sweden. And I represent Pflugerville, Texas! What a fluke that I made it in!
But everything happens for a reason and I’m so grateful to have been chosen. This show prep has been such a glorious diversion for me. It gave me a reason to eat healthy even when my mom was sick on chemo days, and it gave me a goal to look forward to. Plus, bodybuilding is such a visual reward – you see your muscle gains each week and it inspires you to work even harder. Robin has been great to work with; he’s really good at testing my limits and helping me push past them. (Also, we randomly discovered through the wonders of Facebook that he has known my cousin from Connecticut for about seven years.)
Thursday is the two week mark. I’ll be sad that this show prep is ending, but I’m looking forward to the show! And for all my stressing I know I’ll come in the right weight by show day. As my first trainer, Daniel, said about the last two weeks of prep, “This is when the magic happens.”
Lisa 
Lisa Traugott is a Mom’s Choice Award winning writer, fitness blogger, wife and mom of two. You can read more about her in her new book, “She’s Losing It!” available at Amazon.com.
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