Facebook for Middle Aged People

New Rule:  Facebook needs to create user divisions like they have in bodybuilding competitions:  Open and Facebook for Middle Aged+ People.

I’m sorry but my brain can’t keep up with the twelve-year-olds  who run the website.  Every time I open Facebook my timeline has changed, stuff gets moved around and there are new policies you need a law degree to understand.  And speaking of laws, if the Supreme Court has ruled in Citizens United that corporations are people, why can’t my FB Page get friends?  Why do I have to log in as me and then invite friends to like my page?  And by the way, how do I do this?

Oh sure, Facebook has its place for things like assisting the manhunt to capture a terrorist and aiding common people revolting against tyrannical leadership to form more open societies in their home countries, but what about the really important things?  Like helping a middle aged mother and novice bodybuilder grow her blog?  How is Facebook helping her (me)???

Facebook and I go way back (like six months ago) when I first discovered that “f” should really stand for “f u, Lisa.”  Way back then I was trying to get 30 “likes” on my page, www.facebook.com/ShesLosingItnet

As part of my efforts, I added funny titles to get people to click on my posts.  I’m pretty good at that.  Over the summer I went to the Ice Ball and my tag line was, “If you’re my trainer, don’t read this.”  Well guess who read it?  See link to see how much fun that was:  Trouble Over Ice Ball Cometh

 

Then I did a blog post about eating protein to build muscle mass which had a picture of me doing a bicep curl, and a pic of some eggs, and a pic of my niece’s husband and 3 year old.  Pretty non-controversial stuff.  But I had to make that eye catching title and tag line, so I wrote this: “Size Doesn’t Matter.  Unless You’re Bodybuilding.  Or having sex.  Then it matters a whole lot.”  Pretty funny, right?

Well, FB decided that the very best picture to use for this post was the one with my niece’s toddler.  OH SHIT!!!!  So I deleted the post, apologized to my niece and stopped trying to be interesting.

Yet, here I am again, looking for “likes.”  I’m trying to get to that magical 1,000 “likes” so I can win a set of steak knives.  Back in 1995 when I was in college and relevant I didn’t need letters like, “FR” (friend request for all you middle aged people out there.)  The only letters I used with frequency were GDI which stands for Goddamned Independent.  I didn’t pledge a sorority because I didn’t want anyone to tell me who I could or couldn’t be friends with.  And I didn’t care about collecting enough friends to fill a frat house, I just needed to know my friends were there to get me drunk when I was going through a really bad break up.  But I digress.

I’m trying to get 1,000 “likes” on my Facebook page because I am trying to publish a book about my weight loss/bodybuilding experience called, “She’s Losing It!”

I’ve been advised that the first thing an agent or publisher does is Google you to see if you have an online presence and they won’t even look twice unless you have a thousand people reading your work already.  I have 788 “likes,” which is honestly pretty impressive since my entire wedding only had 125 people in attendance and half of them were Henri’s relatives I never met.  I am looking for those final 212 brave souls to put their online personas out on a limb and say that they like my page.

I am not fussy about this.

• You can like my page as part of your community service to be nice to old people.
• You will never have to worry about missing “cutting edge” information because I only post like twice a day.
• When I finally do hit it big you can say you were part of the original triple digit crowd.  It’s kind of like saying you discovered Alabama Shakes at SXSW.  You want in on that, right?

So please ask your friends to like my page.  http://www.facebook.com/ShesLosingItnet

Thank you humbly,

Lisa 

• @sheslosingitnet
• http://www.facebook.com/ShesLosingItnet

Sheslosingit.net (c) 2013 Lisa Traugott.  All rights reserved.  No portion of this blog, including any text, photographs, and artwork, may be reproduced or copied without written permission.