DSST: I Can’t Believe You Won’t Let Me Eat I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter
And now it’s time for another episode of Dumb Shit I Said to my Trainer…
April 2012
I’m super excited because my trainer, Daniel, gave me my new diet meal plan today. I love anything that is shiny and new, even a diet. But wait…this can’t be right…
“I can eat butter?!” My hand is over my mouth to contain my amazement.
“No…you can eat I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. It’s a butter substitute with zero calories.”
I continue looking through my meal plan. I can drink coffee now. And. And. And…
DIET COKE?
“I can drink Diet Coke too? Oh my God, Daniel, you made my week!” Oh shit. He’s got that look. Like he’s about to call me out for something and I didn’t even do anything yet.
“Lisa, when you make statements like, ‘You just made my week,’ it makes me think you’re going to go overboard.”
“I won’t go overboard.”
3 days later…
“YOU WENT OVERBOARD!”
Uh oh. The texts are still coming. My cell phone is practically dancing from the four or five incoming texts buzzing in succession now. I don’t want to read them.
“IT’S THE BUTTER SPRAY! NOT THE TUB!”
“I thought I was doing something wrong,” I text back.
“2,200 CALORIES?”
I knew that stupid online food journal would get me in trouble again! I thought he was off this week; why is he checking it? What kind of a person works on his week off?
“Yeah,” I wrote, “but I figured that out and now I’m back down to 1,550 calories.” See how calm and rational I am? Plus I self-corrected my dieting error. Yay me.
“You are not drinking enough water!”
“Well, you said I could have Diet Coke…”
“ONE Diet Coke! Not 4! NO MORE I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOT BUTTER! NO MORE DIET COKES!”
All caps? Really?
“OK,” I wrote sheepishly.
He’s real crabby because his competition is tomorrow and he’s eating nothing but egg whites and distilled water. But still…I can’t believe he won’t let me eat I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
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