Ready to Punch Someone

Denial is a really helpful defense mechanism.  It allows you to shelve reality for a while and pretend like nothing bad is happening until you are ready to deal with it.

Last week when the doctor said my mother’s cancer spread to her lymph nodes but the tumors were small and didn’t require chemo at this time, we all just focused on “no chemo at this time” part.  This weekend the “your mother’s cancer spread to her lymph nodes” part sank in.

She started sleeping most of the day, went from drinking two very high calorie Boosts to barely finishing one, and slipped a little in the shower.  I was right there holding her, so she didn’t fall, but it scared her and made me realize how weak her legs were getting.

When coming off happy denial and crashing into sadness reality, my typical food of choice is chocolate with a nice side of fat.  Fortunately, I know this about myself which is why I signed up for the Texas Shredder competition immediately after completing the Arnold Amateur.  Knowing that I will be standing on stage in a bikini in three weeks is good motivation for me to find an healthier alternative to chocolate.

I went for oatmeal pancakes with fruit and sugar free syrup.  I also snacked on caramel flavored rice cakes (only 50 calories).  And, as luck would have it, my friend’s son had his first birthday party so I did get to eat a slice of chocolate cake too.

By Monday morning my sadness changed to anger:

• My brother is trying to spend the summer with us to be with my mom, but didn’t know if he was eligible to apply for the Family Leave Act without losing his job.

  

• We own a small real estate business and just found out an annual bill was going to increase from $6,000 to $18,000 and is due at the end of the month, plus I received a letter that I have to do a ton of extra paperwork for the low-income housing tenants we have at our apartment building.
• Add to that my mother’s medical insurance denied her appetite medication, even though she weighs 112 and isn’t eating, and the cost to pay for it out right is $1,200 for 30 pills.

When coming off sadness reality and crashing into anger and frustration, my typical food of choice is any form of carbohydrate I can grind between my teeth with a dash of salt.  But again, that whole bikini in three weeks thing prevented me from eating chips, so I measured 3 oz. of potato and made hash browns using I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray.

I followed this with a leg workout this morning.  Not even that helped, and my trainer, Robin, did his best to kill me.  So I asked him to teach me boxing moves for our next session, because I’m ready to punch someone.  Well, but not really, because if I really punched someone there’s a strong chance they would punch me back and that would hurt.

I don’t know what the food of choice would be if I were missing teeth and had a black eye, but I really don’t want to find out.  So I’ll learn how to punch a bag I guess.  Also, I’m going to incorporate kickboxing moves into my pole fitness competition dance, because, let’s face it, it’s fun to watch an angry pole dancer.

Ok.  I feel better now.  I have a way to channel my anger and I think I can go back to turkey and green beans now.

How about you?  Do your emotions impact your food selections?

Lisa

Lisa Traugott is a Mom’s Choice Award winning writer, fitness blogger, wife and mom of two.  Her book, “She’s Losing It!” is available at Amazon.com.

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