How My Blog Got It’s Name

When I first started blogging I had no idea what I was doing.  I didn’t want to write a blog at all; I was going to write romance novels.  The local library hosted a writers event and I told some people about my manuscript.  They all asked me the same thing:  What’s your presence on the web?

Crickets.  I wasn’t even on Facebook.

They said my writing was good and the characters were interesting but I needed to develop a following of readers.  It was too expensive these days for published to spend money promoting an unknown middle aged writer.  They wanted someone with thousands of built in followers.  Great.

They told me to start a blog, but what would I write about?  Motherhood seemed too overdone and plus who wants that much scrutiny from total strangers online?  Romantic scenes?  How could I sustain that?

‘But how about this crazy bodybuilding competition thing I’m doing?’ I thought.  It had a definite beginning (me overweight), middle (working out and eating strange foods), and I hoped it would have a fantastic ending with me looking hot in a bikini.

My blog was supposed to be called The Bikini Project.  But two weeks into training it became pretty clear that this journey of mine had nothing whatsoever to do with a damn bathing suit and everything to do with all those thoughts and fears holding me back.

Geneen Roth wrote a book called “Women, Food and God.”  I read it hoping it would solve my weight issues.  It did not; but it did give me some insights.  One thing in particular stands out in my memory:  She said that people don’t want to be judged by their body, but by the “real” self inside them, as though the two were disconnected.  Of course they are connected.

Your body is a mishmash of so many components:  genetics, how you were raised, what you are eating, how much exercise you do, how you handle stress.

Genetically, I have a small frame but when I gain weight I look pregnant.  This is further proof that God is A) a man, B) has a wicked sense of humor.  As evidence, please refer to Exhibit A: The birthday card my four-year-old daughter drew of me.  Note:  I was not pregnant.  Also, I don’t know why she drew spiders on the card, but back off she was four 😉

My mom raised on soda, chocolate chip cookies and McDonald’s. I watched her diet and gain back the same 20 lbs. ever since I can remember.  She was never fat but never in shape very long either.  But she was healthier than her mother, who was 4’11” and pushing 180 lbs.

My food intake was erratic at best.  I did the Cabbage Soup Diet (but I used vegetable soup instead,) Slim Fast, Nutrisystem, Pericone Diet, Atkins Diet, Hollywood Diet, Kashi shakes, diet pills, water pills, Herbal Life, and variations of all of the above.

The first time I hit size 12 I turned to the Cayenne Pepper Lemonade “cleanse” which is really just a fancy way of saying starve yourself and take laxatives.  Everything worked for a time and then stopped working and I was back to the original weight plus seven pounds more.  Sometimes I just gave up.

I thought running marathons would keep me fit.  They didn’t.  I can run 10 miles without breaking a sweat.  It’s just a mental game.  Pick up your feet when you don’t want to.  I thought joining a gym would make me fit.  You would not believe how many personal training packages I bought over the past decade.  And once the sessions were over, so was my fitness success.

Whatever mood I’m in can be justification for eating crap.  I’m having a bad day, let me eat some chocolate cake.  I’m having a good day.  Let’s celebrate with some chocolate cake!

November 2011 it felt like the world was slipping through my fingers.

It felt like I was losing my husband.  I was losing my youth.  I was losing my looks.  I was losing my money.  My babies were growing up.  So I sobbed in the parking lot of my daughter’s nursery school and prayed.  “Please, God, fix me.”

Soon after I took my last maternity check for $150 kept hidden in an envelope and bought a 3 pack of training sessions.  I did not tell my husband for fear he would think it was a waste of money, just like all those other sessions.  I was afraid he would be right.  The trainer told me about the bodybuilding competition she was entering and on the spot I knew this was what I was supposed to do.

Then I started training with Daniel and he really kicked my ass.

“I’m going to write a blog about bodybuilding, but I don’t know what to call it,” I said to my husband Henri.

“You’re going to potty train our son, do the accounting for our business, write a romance novel, lose weight by training fro a bikini competition, and, since that’s apparently not enough, you’re going to start a blog, too?  She’s Losing It.com.”

My lips twisted to a smile and I broke into a laugh.  Oh yes, indeed, I’m losing it!

I’m losing the weight.

I’m losing the excuses.

I’m losing the yo-yo diets and the hang-ups about my age and looks.

And in losing it all, I’ll find myself again.

Lisa 😉

Lisa Traugott is a Mom’s Choice Award winning writer, fitness blogger, wife and mom of two….and Original Cast Member of AMERICAN GRIT, starring John Cena, on FOX!!!

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