Mother’s Day is Not Pet’s Day

I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across this feel good message that said, “Happy Mother’s Day!  And that includes pet moms, and anyone who ever had a mom, and single guys too!  Let’s celebrate everyone!”

No.

Look at my face.  I. Said. No.

Mother’s Day is for moms of human beings only.  I understand the desire to include literally everybody into this special day, trust me I’m a Democrat, I get it.  But no.

Mother’s Day, or as I like to call it, The One Day A Year I Get to Drink Hot Coffee, is the one day we acknowledge just how hard it is to keep the next generation from the brink of extension.

A “dog mom” may have to listen to barking, but she doesn’t have to listen to 3 hours of “Hot Crossed Buns” on the recorder.

A cat will not give you a guilt trip about eating the last cookie.  You can eat as many cookies as you want in front of your cat.  You don’t have to hide in the closet to do it.  Hypothetically.

When was the last time your fish cared if you went to the bathroom?  I mean unless you’re about to flush it or something, goldy won’t give a damn as you approach the bowl.  But my kids?  Holy God almighty, I’m never quite so interesting as when I need to sit on the pot.  They’re all “Mommy!  Mommy!  Mommy!”

You can’t curse in front of your kids.  Well, you can, but then your toddler will share his new vocabulary words with his Sunday school teacher.  So you have to internalize it.  “Mommy needs some alone time, sweetie…”

My mother didn’t have to deal with helicopter parenting bullshit.  When she was pregnant with me she smoked a pack a day and drank the occasional cocktail to take the edge off.  I couldn’t even get my roots done without fear of the pregnancy police coming after me. 

If you really want to be considered for sharing my holiday, animal parents, then I demand you give up coffee for 9 months before you go to the pet store to choose your iguana.  But since you’re not going to do that, don’t steal my damn holiday.

That said, I will make one exception: if you are Daenerys Targaryen, aka Mother of Dragons, you may celebrate any holiday you want, ‘cause you are a badass mother and your “babies” could set me on fire.

But all you other pet moms, let me have my hot cup of coffee, and burned pancakes, and an awesome necklace made out of macaroni and yarn.  Ya’ll can create your own holiday and I promise I will not make my kids dress up in animal costumes on your day.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Also, as a gift to all my readers, even pet moms, and anyone who had a mom, and single guys, I am giving away a FREE 21-page e-book.  It gives the 10 Most Common Excuses to Weight Loss and how to overcome them.  These are actual tips, tricks, lists and strategies I use (and have my clients use) to overcome mental blocks holding them back from their fitness goals.  Just sign up for my newsletter and the e-book will be emailed to you this week.  Hope you enjoy it!

Lisa 😉

Lisa Traugott is a Mom’s Choice Award winning writer, fitness blogger, wife and mom of two….and Original Cast Member of AMERICAN GRIT, starring John Cena, Thursdays at 9 PM EST/8 PM CST on FOX!!!

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