DSST: I Skipped Cardio

There used to be a recurring segment on my blog called, “Dumb S*** I Said to my Trainer” (DSST for short.)  Today I feel it is time to renew this slice of life of show prep for your reading pleasure.  And now for the latest episode….

This is my trainer, Robin Johnson.  He’s standing next to his client, Liese Wooton, after he won Overall at the Shredder and she won Masters Figure.  He helped her win her pro card last year.  (She’s 51 – FYI.  I’m jealous.)

You know how last week was 7 weeks until the Arnold Amateur and I was totally freaking out that I would not lose the weight in time and Robin essentially told me to chill the f*** out and just follow the plan?  Well guess who didn’t follow the plan?

Every few days I weigh myself and send him the picture before our training session.  As long as the scale is going down or staying even he’s cool.  Today the scale was up 1/2 pound.  Oops.

5 a.m. Conquer Gym

Robin:  How you feeling today?

Lisa:  OK.  Well, sort of mad at myself.

Robin:  Why? 

You know that tone of voice you hear from a person that tells you that you’d better have a really valid excuse or don’t bother explaining the “why” question?  Yeah, he used that tone of voice.

Lisa:  Well, I forgot that I had an eye appointment last night, so my eyes were dilated and I didn’t want to drive to the gym in the rain like that, so I figured I’d just do cardio in the garage instead.  But it was 39 degrees last night and the garage was really cold, so I just skipped it.

Let’s pause here for a minute.  Did I mention it was leg day?  What the f*** was I thinking???  You don’t make an “I skipped cardio” confession BEFORE the leg workout!

And 3, 2, 1…

Robin:  If you had done your cardio you’d be down a pound today instead of up a half!  It’s six weeks out to the Arnold!  At six weeks out you DON’T skip cardio.

Lisa:  ok.  sorry.

We move to single leg lunges at the smith machine.  My friend calls single leg lunges “involuntary booty shakers” because your legs will shake like crazy under the weight.  Guess how many I did?  Like a hundred bazillion thousand.  Each leg.  I began to walk away to shake them out.

Robin:  Where are you going?  You’re not done.  Mountain climbers between sets.  We gotta get that cardio in.

@#$%$!!!!!

Somewhere between the leg extensions, squats, band kickbacks and the sandbag weighted bridges I cried out,

I WILL NEVER SKIP CARDIO AGAIN!  I DON’T CARE EVEN IF MY EYES ARE SO DILATED I’M BLIND AND IT’S SNOWING!  I’LL WALK ON THE TREADMILL WITH A CANE AND A COAT!

So the moral of the story is:

• Lie to your trainer
• Make confessions AFTER the workout
• Do not skip cardio

Well, I guess I’ll ice my legs, take an Epsom salt bath and smear on IcyHot like it’s moisturizer.  Um…after I finish cardio.

The End

Lisa

Lisa Traugott is a Mom’s Choice Award winning writer, fitness blogger, wife and mom of two. You can read more about her in her new book, “She’s Losing It!” available at Amazon.com.

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