10 Things I Learned from 10 Years of Marriage

Just celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary.  This means I’m qualified to give unsolicited advice about love and marriage.  😉

10 Things I Learned from 10 Years of Marriage:

1. Hard work?  Nah.  Everybody always says, “a successful marriage is hard work.”  I never really understood that phrase.  Don’t get me wrong, if you’re married you will drive each other nuts at some point, guaranteed.  But “hard work” doesn’t always fix it.  Some of my friends who were perfect for each other hit a rough patch, did the “hard work” of marriage counseling, and  got divorced anyway before their second year.  At another wedding, people were literally placing bets in church on how long the marriage would last, and that couple has been together for 15 years.  I think a successful marriage is part luck, part timing, and BOTH of you have to be 100% committed to wanting your relationship to last.

   

2. Keep a little money for yourself.  Do you really want to have to explain the importance of the difference between a regular manicure and a gel manicure to your man?  Does he really want to justify to you why his truck needs new rims?  A joint account works well for paying bills, but a little personal disposable income does wonders for your psyche.
3. Things Change.  You won’t always look as good as you did on your wedding day.  Weight fluccuates, men’s hairlines recede, things sag in odd places.  This is life teaching us that love and attraction is based upon more than just looks.

   

4. Make a list of all the wonderful things he’s done.  Read it when you’re mad at him.
5. Speaking of lists…If you want something done, write him a list.  Men and women are wired differently.  A woman will walk into the kitchen, assess the situation and say, “I need to empty the trash, clean the dishes in the sink and make the kids’ lunches.”  A man will walk into that same kitchen and say, “I wonder where the peanut butter is?  I really want peanut butter on my crackers when I watch the game.”  But he can follow a list.
6. Frumpy is not sexy.  It’s hard to have mojo when you’re wearing sweatpants and a Walmart T-shirt with baby spit up on it.  That’s why God created babysitters.  Find one and go out on a hot date every now and then that includes heels and lipstick.  Pay attention to each other at dinner.  Remind yourself why you fell in love with him in the first place.

   

7. Venting is best done with a girlfriend or your mom, not your husband.  This goes back to men and women are wired differently.  I remember trying to tell him a story about what my “friend” co-worker said and he interrupted me saying, “So don’t eat lunch with her anymore.”  Okay, that wasn’t the point!  I wasn’t asking him to fix my problems, I was trying to get an emotional release and express my anger at her betrayal.  Guys don’t get that and they never will, so just save it for a woman. Also, don’t bug him when he’s watching the game.
8. Laugh a lot.
9.  It’s easy to get lost in your job or motherhood.  Remember to make time for yourself.  For me, that means doing odd ball fitness things like figure competitions, Spartan Runs and pole fitness dancing and blogging.  For my husband it means riding fast cars and playing poker with his buds.  Support each others interests, even if you don’t totally get it.  It’s what makes your partner happy…and interesting.

   

10. Love and marriage is not about finding the perfect person.  He doesn’t exist.  It’s finding the person who is perfect for you.

    

    

Are you, or have you been, married?  What have you learned from it?

Lisa 

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