Bad Dress – Good Show?

If a bad dress rehearsal means a good show, then Ima be the next Pole Star.  Because today had to have been THE WORST rehearsal ever.  “Oh Lisa,” you say, “It probably wasn’t that bad.”  Yes.  Yes it was:

• Slid off the spinning pole not once, but four (1-2-3-4) times.  And that’s with industrial strength Firm Grip spray on all my limbs. #YouLiedToMeFirmGrip
• Did not remember 100% of my choreography even once. #Duh
• While doing the aerial invert I managed to bump my forehead against the pole. #HopeIDontBruise

To further f*** with me, my one instructor, Serena, kept making me switch poles.  “But I’m used to using these two!” I said.  “But those two won’t be at the Manchesa Theater.  You need to be ready to perform on whatever pole is there.”

Fine.  Be logical.

Did you know that the front spinning pole at the dance studio is possessed?  For real.  My other teacher, Brenna, has even named it Diablo (“The Devil”).  ‘Cause that pole spins like 80 mph.  So not only did I switch poles, I learned how to hold on tight real quick, even without the Firm Grip, ’cause fear of death makes you stronger.

Serena also kept switching where the audience was.  “The audience is back here now.”  “But I’m used to facing front.”  “There won’t be a mirror at the theater.”

Grr.  So of course, I did everything assbackwards.  And made the pole spin in the wrong direction.  And forgot choreography I previously knew just fine.

“Now you’re performing on a diagonal,” she said.  “Now you’re just f****** with me,” I retorted.  She laughed.

While mentally I completely agree with this concept of show prep (it’s actually quite brilliant) my stomach was not nearly as understanding; by the end of the hour I was so spun around I was literally nauseous and had to eat a Cliff Bar to steady myself before driving home.  Ask me how many grams of sugar are in a Cliff Bar. 23 grams.

Brenna, my other dance teacher, was in an equally sadistic instructive mood.  “Let’s bring in an audience.  You need to be comfortable in front of people.”

I’m like a Level 2  pole dancer, which means I know just enough to hurt myself.  I danced my heart out for the Level 3-4 class.  Too bad my heart was there alone; my brain totally checked out, and I ended up creating all new choreography for the ending since my timing was off and I missed at least 40% of my music cues.

Not to brag, but when you just dance your heart out for an entire class and at the end of a 3 1/2 minute routine the sole comment is, “Your make-up looks really cool,” well, that’s pretty special.  Also, Brenna holds her head in her hand a lot when I dance.  She earns her money being my dance teacher.

Both ladies, who are quite honestly phenomenal teachers and performers themselves, told me to relax, stay in character and not over-think it at the show.  On the ride home, Serena sent me a text of encouragement that ended with #TeamBadass.

And I replied: #IfBadDressIsGoodShowThenIWillKillIt

I still don’t totally understand hashtags.  Here are some other ones I came up with:

• #Audience:PleaseClapAnyway
• #IfThatWhichDoesNotKillYouMakesYouStrongerIAmThor
• #ThisWillMakeAReallyFunnyYouTubeVideo

On the plus side, I discovered that there will be a cash bar at the theater on performance night. #YouHadMeAtBar

Lisa 

• @sheslosingitnet
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