7 Lessons from my Mother

This past Mother’s Day I found myself in the unfortunate position of writing the eulogy from my own mother.

Before she passed I asked her what her proudest moment was and she said, “The birth of my children.”  Since motherhood was so important to her, I thought I’d mention seven lessons I learned from her.

7 Lessons Learned from my Mother

1.  Family comes first.  A lot of people say this, but she lived it, even when it was hard.  She put her life on hold to care for my grandma with dementia and my father through his battle with cancer.  And even though she was pulled in a million different directions, she always made time for my brother and me.

She was a Soccer Mom before the term was invented.  We took family trips to the shore, played at the park and went to museums.

She was a Cub Scout den mother and took us to lessons for art, guitar, dance, football, soccer, baseball, and when I was an actress she saw every oddball Off-Broadway play I did in the East Village.

She loved her grandkids and showed their pictures to literally anyone; seriously my kids felt like celebrities at the wake because everyone knew them.  My mother had tea parties with Rylee and watched Wild Kratts with Little Henry on her bed.

2.  You’re a mother not a friend.  Friendship comes after graduation.  When I was in my 20’s my mother and I took a girl’s trip to Vegas where  we managed to make enough money on slot machines to afford tickets to the male dance review “Thunder Down Under.”  During the show the very hottest dancer came up to our table, paid me no mind, and delivered a giant kiss on my mother’s cheek.  “Mom!” I shouted.  She shrugged her shoulders with a grin and said, “When you’ve got it, you’ve got it.”

 

3.  Don’t drive yourself crazy with perfection.  92% is pretty good too.

4.   Speak your mind.  The first time your boyfriend meets your parents, you hope that everyone is on their best behavior.  Well the first time my mother met my boyfriend (now husband) Henri, we were picking him up from Newark Airport.  This was in the days before cell phones (remember that!?!) and we told him to wait outside baggage claim when he landed.

The airport was under construction so it took us a long time to get to him, there was snow on the ground and with the wind chill factor it was about 16 degrees below zero.  My husband being from California had on a flimsy leather jacket and when he got in the car, teeth chattering, he said, “Why do people live here!?!”.

My mom, ever the Jersey Girl, said, “Quit being a woosy boy,” and made him shovel the snow from the driveway.  But then she said, “You’re not a woosy boy after all, you’re Super Man.”  For Christmas she wrapped up an old snow shovel for him.  They pretty much respected each other after that.

5.  When all else fails, eat chocolate.

6.  Be down to earth.  Mom never pretended to be perfect.  When she was wrong she said sorry.  She wore Jersey Girl T-shirts and ate cookies out of the box.  She loved the Sopranos, Jon Stewart and Frank Sinatra.

7.  It’s better to laugh than to cry.

Unless you’re watching a really good episode of the Young & the restless.  Then it’s totally fine to ball your eyes out.

Frank Sinatra said, “I’m gonna live until I die,” and you can see that sentiment reflected in the photos of her life.  She travelled, she volunteered, she partied with the Anthonian Seniors Club, and she loved, loved, loved my dad and her family.

Last night I drove to my mother’s old house.  A new family has moved in.  Knowing the house of my childhood is gone is hard, but it’s just a house.  Losing my mother is devastating because my mother was home.

Mom, I hope I become as good a mother as you were and that my children Rylee and Henry feel as loved as my brother and I did.  I’ll miss you, but I know you are at peace now, dancing with my father to an old Frank Sinatra song.

Lisa

Lisa Traugott is a Mom’s Choice Award winning writer, fitness blogger, wife and mom of two.  Her book, “She’s Losing It!” is available at Amazon.com.

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