Dear Hair of Mine
Dear Hair of Mine,
Why have you suddenly become dry and frizzy? Why is it that when I grow you long, I resemble an heroin addict from a 90’s Lifetime movie-of-the-week; hair stringy and flat, yet when I cut you short, I resemble a blonde lion with static cling? Is this just another cruel joke of ageing?
I have tried hot oil treatments and creams, even scooped out coconut oil from a jar and placed on my head for half an hour once. I smelled like movie popcorn for the better part of a week.
Sweet hair of mine, why did you change colors on me after my second pregnancy? I thought we had agreed that I was a natural blonde. How could you then, 35 years into the game, turn brown on me? But not a nice, chestnut brown like shampoo models who have orgasms in their showers while rising out suds from their luscious locks (and, by the way, where are those shower heads pointed to receive such a reaction?). Why is my brown more like a shade of dirty dishwater? Side note – Did you know that the select strands of gray hairs I haven’t been able to pluck out from my scalp show up waaaay more against dirty dishwater brown hairs than golden blonde hairs?
But I won’t be tweezing out anymore hairs from now on, gray or otherwise. Know why? Because they are falling out on their own. I’m not sure if this is a sympathetic move to become more simpatico with my mom during chemo, or a matter of stress, or just, here’s that word again – ageing – in general, but when I look at my brush it’s like a wookie was left behind.
So now, in addition to all the other things I’m a player hater for (women with better careers, better shapes, kids better at soccer than mine) I’m now finding myself not wanting to stand next to anyone with a Disney Princess ‘do. Or Hunger Games braids (although they look adorable on my seven-year-old.) Shoot, if I’m really honest I’m jealous of women who have found a conditioner that works for them.
Alright hair. I haven’t given up on you. I’m not going all Sinéad O’Connor on you. I will ask Andie MacDowell for her hair wisdom at the R3 Summit, and try some of the tips from the October issue of Prevention Magazine (they have an entire article about this hair situation, so maybe there is a hair conspiracy going on or a follicle protest or something, but I’m willing to negotiate and have peace talks.) Please at least meet me half way.
Sincerely,
Lisa 
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Your hair is nothing but lovely in blog pics.
That is because I always comb my hair before blog pictures. I already have my overweight “before” pic online for the world to see, so I do not feel compelled to also chronicle bad hair day pics 😉
Bad hair days unite! My hair looks like a frizzy nest in most of my blogs pics.
LOL! You’re beautiful.
my hair seems to be falling out in the shower. The wads i pick up from the drain daily are enough to knit a sweater with. It’s amazing I have any hair left on my head! and don’t get me started on greys…ugh.
Oh god, that made me laugh.