New Year’s Resolutions – 2014

Happy New Year!  Here are my resolutions:

1.  Enter a fitness competition.  This is a bodybuilding competition that is judged in two parts.  The first part is just like a regular figure competition with 1/4 turn poses in a bikini.  The second (more fun part) is a two minute fitness routine set to music that includes four mandatory strength moves:  push ups, high kicks, splits, and straddle hold.  In other words:  Ima be a ninja gymnast!

Practicing straddle stretch
Practicing straddle stretch

Ask me if I can dance, do gymnastics or know ninja moves.  “Lisa, can you -”  No.   I’ve never done anything like this before.  Ever.  So why not start at age 40, right?  That makes PERFECT sense!

2.  Enter the Capital of Texas Aerial Championship competition.  (That’s fancy for a pole dancing competition.)  “Lisa, you want to be a stripper!?!” asked my brother.  NO!!!  This is not anything sleezy or gross.  This is doing a two minute dance routine that combines ballet, gymnastics, and strength moves…on a pole.  “Aerial Championships” are pretty new in the sporting world, and there is a big push right now to make this an Olympic sport.  I plan to submit my audition tape for the amateur and 40+ women’s divisions.  Hopefully I’ll get picked for one.

Learning how to invert
Learning how to invert last week

Want to hear the ironic part?  My costume will be more conservative in the pole dancing competition (sports bra and shorts) than in the bodybuilding competition (bikini.)  Who knew?

3.  Do stand up comedy at an open mic amateur night.  After working on the first two goals, I figure I’ll have LOTS of material to work with, right?

So those are my crazy New Year’s Resolutions.  Feel free to shake your head and roll your eyes, just like my friends and family did when I told them.

Actually, this is what my mother said when I told her:  “Jesus Christ, Lisa, can’t you just sit on the couch and smoke a cigarette like normal people?  Maybe drink a beer?”  (I laughed.)  But then she said, “Well, as long as you’re having fun, go for it.  You only live once.”  (Love her!)

So how about you?  What are your New Year’s resolutions?

Lisa ;)

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